Leaked! Secret letter from Narendra Modi to Rahul Gandhi after the recent elections

A secret letter written by PM Narendra Modi to Congress VP Rahul Gandhi soon after the recent five state elections has been leaked online. Here is the full text of the letter:

13^th March 2017

Dear Rahul ji,

The elections are over, and they have gone largely as per plan. Your efforts were invaluable in Uttar Pradesh. Akhilesh beta never realized that "Hand" is used to stop a "Bicycle", not to accelerate it ! But he is still young, will learn over time. In fact your efforts in U.P. were so effective that there was also a strong rub-off on neighboring Uttarakhand. A big thank you for this! We are also very happy with what happened in Manipur, where we were a big Zero just five years ago! There was a slight problem in Goa, but I admit it was all our own fault. Parrikar ji was not there, and our people were busy fighting amongst themselves. However we have fixed that problem now, so don’t worry. Meanwhile, you are free to imagine that it is the Congress who won the mandate in Goa and Manipur. Victory - after all - is just a state of mind.

We are however not at all happy with what happened in Punjab. This is a serious matter. You should have campaigned more vigorously in Punjab instead of leaving everything to Amarinder Singh ji. It seems you were focused only on Uttar Pradesh. This is sheer negligence. Because of this, deadlines for Project “Congress-mukt Bharat” will now have to be pushed forward to 2022. But it is okay this one last time, we are letting you off with just a warning.

You are now free to resume your foreign holiday. This is a good time to visit Bangkok. It always is! You can plan for a visit to Europe too, but don’t, even by mistake, go to the U.S.! I hope you remember what happened in 2001? Luckily Atalji was able to help you that time, but this time we may not be able to do anything. Trump Uncle is very strict. He may suspect you are there to sell kitchen utensils, Made in Jaunpur, of course. So please take care.

And yes, don’t forget to return for Karnataka elections next year.

Happy holidays!

Warm Regards,

Narendra Modi

The Villagers and the Monkeys

Once upon a time, a man appeared in a village and announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for Rs.10/-. Since there were so many monkeys around, the villagers started catching them. The man bought hundreds of monkeys at Rs.10/- each, and kept them in a huge cage for all to see. As supply started to diminish, it became a bit difficult to get new monkeys and the villagers stopped their efforts.  The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at Rs.20/- per monkey. The villagers now renewed their efforts and started catching monkeys again. Soon, the supply diminished even further and people started going back to their farms. The offer rate now increased to Rs.25/- and the supply of monkeys reduced even further. The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at Rs.50/- ! However, he had to go to the city on some business, and would return after a couple of days. Till then, his assistant would look after the monkeys kept in that cage. When the man was gone, the assistant told the villagers – “Look at all these monkeys in the cage that the man has collected. I will sell them to you at Rs.35/- each and when the man returns from the city, you can sell it to him for Rs.50/-.” The villagers liked the idea, and squeezed up all their savings and bought the monkeys back. Then, then the assistant too left with all the money and never returned.  

Welcome to the Stock Market.

Joke for the day

Teacher: Agar ek deewar banane mein Rs. 10,000 ka kharcha aata hai to 2 deewar banane mein kitna kharcha aayega?

Student: 10 lakh

Teacher: Nalaayak, kya naam hai tera?

Student: "SURESH KALMADI"

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Mind Blowing Gujju love letter -

Mari dear, u r que tea, luv lee, sack sea, on nest, a tract thief, cheer fool, soup pub, & u r my most press yes lower, Taro cumless......

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Wife: Kya kr rahe ho ?

Husband: Makhiya mar raha hu

Wife: Kitni mari

Husband: 3 male 2 female...

Wife: Unka gender kaise pata chala ?

Husband: 3 Beer bottle pe thi aur 2 Phone se chipki thi.

Why the Chinese are good at sports

Ever wondered why the Chinese are so good at sports? Here is one example. Follow the steps given below:

1. Go to Google Maps

http://maps.google.com/

2. Click on “Get directions”

3. Type “China” in “A” i.e. From China

4. Type “Taiwan” in “B” i.e. To Taiwan

5. Click on “Get Directions”

6. Scroll down to Step no. 48

J

(Courtesy my friend Nikhil Karkhanis)

Amul ads

Advertisements of Amul butter have been legendary. Not much needs to be said about it, we are all familiar with the funny hoardings on current affairs that have grabbed our attention since we were kids. But what not many people know is that the entire collection of utterly butterly Amul advertisements right from 1976-77 is available online.

For all those who are interested, click here